Bikes, Wheelies and my Lily white Ass!

Now it is Thursday and I thank the Lord that the weekend is nearly upon us. So its lunchtime and I am pondering what to write in this today. I think today will be about bikes, not the pedal variety but the sexy, sweet and fast engined kind.
I feel that I must explain that my interest in both MotoGP and motorbikes does extend beyond Mr Toseland!!
I have always had an interest in things that are both fast and dangerous. I was one of those children that when told "Don't touch!!" you just knew I was gonna.
Having passed my bike test at 17..a feat that some said was going to be impossible for someone like me...Huh!! What did they know...I happily passed first time with flying colours. They said I had only achieved this by cheating...who..me..no... never...I simply worked the system. When I passed my test all you needed was a bike over 50cc. As you set off on your circuit of the local test centre, the tester would hot foot it through the neighbouring gardens with all the grace,poise and speed of an Olympic hurdler to await you half way round for your emergency stop. I admit that getting your licence then, was alot easier than it is now. So being a little short, getting a proper bike is a little difficult. So I simply got a Honda C90, it was over 50cc and I could do my test without issue.
So woo haa I have a full licence and my biking journeys begin, all be it, on a step-through. Well 2 actually, both of which I blew up. Apparently this happens when you constantly ride off the clock!! Ending when you can cook marshmallows on my exhaust, and I eventually manage to weld the exhaust to the cylinder head....twice!!! Ooops
Next I get a Honda dream - CB400 which my engineer friends chops for me. Its fantastic and noisy and I love it. After many happy miles it becomes very unreliable, and I am again without bike.
My next bike...my baby....is a beautiful CBR400RR gullarm - babyblade grey import and its the most beautiful thing I have ever clapped eyes on. This is in fact a Happy Divorce present to myself..some people do sensible things like buy a home, or have a party. But no, not me, I celebrate my freedom with a new bike...in my eyes a proper super bike.
When I get it back to the garage of my parents house, it sits there looking longingly at me for 3 days, whilst I think that it looks huge, and I may have bitten more off than I can chew. Something I am naturally not prepared to admit!!!
A friend finally puts me and my new baby in the back of a van and takes us to a nearby industrial park after telling me that I might as well take it back to the shop if I'm just gonna sit and look at it!!!
OK deep breaths I can do this...and we're off..at first we are just pottering with no gloves and no helmet. My friend thinks I've dropped it as I have been out of sight for a long time. But just as he starts to walk to come rescue me, from what he thinks is under the bike, he spots me and says all I could see was your smile it was as wide as the Clyde!! After this me and my baby are inseparable and we go everywhere together. I buy her lots of toys like a lovely carbon scorpion race can, carbon hugger, carbon chain guard, racing pegs...all my hard earned cash is spent on her. If I'm not spending on my baby I'm buying the best I can afford in helmets, boots, jackets...and I am loving life!! With twin front brembo's I can pull stoppies and derestricted I can wheelie in just about every gear...by accident of course! As you can tell its a very happy time for me. When I parked her in the street she was admired by many, and when I parked her in the factory car park, she is the only beauty in amongst all the cars. She even gets her own special space. I am now infamous in a factory of 800 people. As I donner about the shop floor on a daily basis, people come to greet me to talk about my baby. Even though I have worked here for many years I have, until my baby never met them. The boys joke that the speed bumps are put in the car park just for me, and we nightly race home. We have 4 beautiful years together before some asshole steals her in the middle of the night and I am truly devastated. It takes another 3 yrs before I can afford to buy another baby but this time I treat myself to my current baby a Ducati Monster 900. More about him later!!
During this time in my life I befriend Kevin Carmichael, on his way to becoming a World Champion Motorcycle Stunt Rider. I am chuffed to be his passenger at some of these rounds. I kid myself into thinking that this is because I have some special hanging on skill...no, not really...in truth its because when you are the size of a handbag and weigh as much as a box of tissues, you make the perfect stunt monkey!!
To this end I suppose I've had my 5 mins of fame, some of you may even have seen me. I have had the pleasure of being wheelied backwards up and down the straight at knockhill, thrashed up and down the Crail Quarter Mile, and stoppied the furthest 2 up distance at the air strip on Skye, and many other interesting events I may bore you with later.
I will leave you with the most important thing I learned during my stunt career.

When changing out of your leathers in the back of the team van...wear shorts under your leathers....or at very least do not attempt this manoeuvre facing backwards out of the van..and definitely not whilst leaning on the back doors....less you might find yourself making more of a lily white ASS of yourself to the spectators who have now gathered at the back of the van waiting to meet Kevin, whilst he opens the back door to put away his helmet, than you may have intended!!! If you were one of those poor soles I am indeed truly sorry....lol
Happy Friday to you all when it comes.
Jenxx