Finally The Break-Up Blog

I'm know I'm not alone when I refer to 2010 as my own personal Annus Horribilis. So when your life takes a turn for the worse why do you always feel like your the only person in the world who is suffering.
For me, May 2010 spelled the end of my long term relationship. C and I had been together for well over a decade, and it has taken me this long to put pen to paper or should I say fingers to keyboard to really talk about it.  After all the hurt has faded, what are we left with?
Mixed emotions apparently is the answer to that one.  When you end any long term relationship it takes you months to get clarity, the clarity you need to look back over it and not do at it through rose tinted spectacle's.  It has taken me this long to realise the things I missed about us as a couple, had actually been missing for many years  We had merely been going through the motions.  The bare naked truth was I had been desperately unhappy for many years and I longed for us to be back to the way we once were....happy! Things had got so bad I/we just stopped trying, and in the end I had to push the button. 
Now as I reflect I feel emotionless and it feels strange. It is true what they say "something will happen and it will allow you to close the book and move on".  For me this came a few weeks later in the form of some pretty ugly truths, so bad they made my stomach lurch into my mouth but it did the trick as it made me sick to the bottom of my stomach and I was forced to confront what I had been ignoring and I knew from that moment on I could never go back.  We were really broken and this time...forever!!
Yes I am sad for myself that here I am with a status I haven't had in many years SINGLE, and of course I worry that I will never feel, trust or have another meaningful relationship in my life. Or worse still I'm now too old! After all how can I trust my emotions after I got it so wrong for so long.....or did I?
You are taught that relationships take two people to make them work but what we are so quick to forget is that it also takes two to make them go wrong.  In short the good news is you can share the blame.
To my friends who helped me make it through the dark days of which there were quite a few I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I need not mention any names you all know who you are.
Now as we head for 2011 I am happy to be able to put it all behind me and bring in the new year in good company with a fresh outlook. Things in my life are looking up and I'm smiling again.
If by any chance you are reading this whilst having your own Annus Horribilis, what I am trying to say is - your life really will get better - in time -  but only if you give it a chance.
Happy New Year and best wishes to you all for 2011 Jen x